Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
