all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
