i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
