I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
