I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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