please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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