ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
