Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
