She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
