I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
