I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
