you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
