i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
