Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
