Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
