We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
