His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
50% drunk capacity currently
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
