Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
