there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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