I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Even my vagina gasped.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
this hospital has no fireball
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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