there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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