one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
