Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
