ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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