I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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