you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
