i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
