I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
