i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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