What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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