Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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