you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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