ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
