That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
