Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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