what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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