My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
