Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
