one word: firstdatebathroomanal
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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