Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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