I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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