I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
farters have to be the big spoon...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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