Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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