Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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