If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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