I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
