Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
