the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How does one acquire holy water?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
