your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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