I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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