My Higher Power is John Stamos
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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