I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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