Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
