he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
